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I am an "over" type person....
I am over anxious. The smallest things seem to spin me into an anxious mess; Little Mr 0 crying, Hubby being late home from work, Little Miss 4 getting sick...the list goes on. Small, tiny things that other people wouldn't even think about, let alone actually dwell on, tie me up in knots.
I am an over analyser. I think too much about everything. What people say, what they don't say, their actions, their looks. I go over conversations again and again in my head analysing and analysing to the minutest detail. This normally leads to me being over anxious.
I attempt to over achieve. At the moment I am attempting to do a Bookkeeping course, freelance writing, write a book, look after a 13 week old, find my mother-in-law a place to live, blog, knit a blanket and make jewellery. Oh and the typical things - cook, clean, wash, garden, be a good mum, wife, daughter, sister, friend. This also normally leads me to being over anxious as I lie awake in bed at night pondering my to-do list and freaking out that nothing is actually getting done.
Last night when Little Mr 0 wouldn't go to sleep at 1.30am and I was over analysing the shit out of why and my anxiety levels were going through the roof - I stopped. I thought, "What the F*CK!".
I need to stop. I need to take stock of my life, my goals, my priorities.
I can't do it all and that is okay. I need to make peace with the fact that it is okay. I need to realise that just because I am not juggling a million things I will not get depressed because there is too much time to think. I need to realise that I might actually get things done when not attempting them all together.
Today I wrote down the things that are on my list and prioritised them. It felt good.