Wednesday, December 4, 2013
My heart breaks
The darkness laps at my feet. Teasing. Threatening to pull me under.
I feel the sting of tears in my eyes. Just as I see the tears in hers.
My little miss has separation anxiety. At least I think she does. And it is getting me down.
Every drop-off at preschool recently has been met with tears and leg grabbing. Long discussions ensue about being brave, playing with friends and learning shiny new things.
I ask her, "What is wrong?"
She says, "I just want to go home."
She has been going to this daycare since she was 10 months old. She has never been the best at drop-off time. There have been periods when she has been kind of okay. But mostly there are tears.
Nearly five years of tears, three days a week.
I try to be strong and tell her there is nothing to be sad about. But who am I kidding, my psychiatrist diagnosed me with social anxiety. I am a complete home body. How can I expect any different from my daughter?
I always put on a brave face though. I would never let her know my own anxieties about social situations or tell her I was the same when my mum dropped me at preschool.
It fills me with a sense of dread for next year when she starts Kindergarten. Even though I have started doing what all the books and websites say to help your child transition to school.
I just don't know what to do next. I feel I have tried everything.
Today I am feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by it all.