My Gut Journey....The Why?

Just in case you are interested, here is the why to my gut journey. (P.S. That is not my gut in the picture.)

I have suffered depression, anxiety, stomach issues and headaches since my late teens, mixed in with my PCOS and severe gluten intolerance  - I am about to tick over to 41 years old, suffice to say it has been a while.

I have been through many a doctors waiting room and thumbed through many an out-of-date trashy magazine - GPs, psychiatrist (I love her!), neurologist, headache specialist, gynaecologist, endocrinologist, naturopath, osteopath, chiropractor, physiotherapist, gastroenterologist, etc etc, I am sure you get the picture.

Sometimes I feel a bit better but always tip off the "feel good wagon" onto the "shit ship". The main takeaway from all this time is being sent on my merry way with band-aid solutions - take this pill for that or that pill for this. One doctor even told me that headaches were just going to be part of my life - thanks arsehat.

Now I am just exhausted and well and truly over it and as my wonderful psychiatrist said, "you need to get your shit together". She sent me for some blood tests and a Bioscreen poop test (delightful I know, but oh so fascinating!). The blood results actually weren't that bad - which left us perplexed and a little disappointed, we had hoped they would show something outstanding and give us the answers to all the questions.

The Bioscreen test on the other hand, totally different story. It was BAD, which was good. This was more than likely the answer to all the questions....well at least some of them.

What does the Bioscreen test actually test for I hear you ask....well, let me tell you. It is a Faecal Microbial Analysis, which is basically checking out the microflora in your large intestinal tract. The good thing is that it checks out what shouldn't be there as well as what should.

The organisms that this test focuses on are aerobic bacteria (E.coli, non-E.coli coliforms, Enterococcus, Staphylococcus, and. Streptococcus spp.), anaerobic bacteria (Bacteroides, Eubacterium, Bifidobacterium, Lactobacillus, Clostridium, Prevotella and Porphyromonas, Peptostreptococcus spp.), and yeasts, (Candida spp.,).

My test looked something like this:

The Aerobic bacteria (apparently need air to survive)...
E.coli (there is actually a strain of E.coli that does good in your gut) - 0% (should be 70-90%)
Enterococcus - 10.20% (should be <5%)
Streptococcus - 89.80% (should be <5%)

The Anaerobic bacteria (apparently don't need air to survive)...
Bacteroides (Lo) 41.25% (should be 90-95%)
Eubacterium 13.45% (should be <15%)
Lactobacillus 0% (should be 0.5-1.5%)
Bifidobacterium 0% (should be 5-11%)
Clostridium 44.84% (should be 1-10%)

As you can, not the best....in fact far from it. Ever increasing research says that the gut is the real brain of your bod, so best look after it. Apparently with these dodgy guts Dr Lee and also Dr Henry Butt (owner of Bioscreen) are not surprised I am anxious, depressed, headachey and exhausted.

Therefore, it is time to get action (and stick to it).

The first integrative doctor I saw about these results sent me for more blood tests to check cooper, zinc, pyrroles, histamine and some hormonals. These showed that I was a Pyrrole (which is a biochemical imbalance involving an abnormality in haemoglobin synthesis that can be caused by "leaky gut syndrome") and also an overmethylator (basically someone who has low blood histamine, low plasma zinc, elevated copper leading to anxiety and depression).

Wasn't the biggest fan of the first doctor I saw, as I have mentioned previously, so this week I went back to the wonderful Dr Lee.....the good thing was that I had all the tests done and dusted so we could jump straight into my "get my gut better" journey.

Have you had a bioscreen done?
Are you a pyrrole? or overmethylator?

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The week that was....NINETEEN through TWENTY SIX

Sometimes the days are hard and sometimes they are even harder. You know the ones where you just don't want to get out of bed. I feel like that is what it has been like lately. It is been so long since my last blog post.

I have so many thoughts, fears, hopes and goals floating around in my head lately. I just don't know if I am Arthur or Martha or R2D2.

Too many questions, not enough answers lately.

Recently I found out that I have zero good gut bacteria and an overgrowth of bad bacteria with a parasite thrown in for good measure. I am seeing an Integrative GP in Manly to try to sort things out - as this kind of gut is apparently not good and will take a lot of hard work to get it back to "normal".

In my initial appointment I was totally overwhelmed with information I had blurred vision. It took a few weeks to come to terms with what has to be done. First step was to get rid of the parasite - the antibiotics were so awful I was extremely unwell for the whole ten days.

I can't even talk about work - it SUX. The End. But I have goals and plans for the next six months - get my gut sorted and complete my Project Management certification.

I think that is it for now.

Anyone got anything uplifting to share?

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The week that was...NINE

This week has been one of the hardest I've had for a while. A long while.

I slipped into a dark depression. Got totally overwhelmed. Realised I just wasn't coping.

Perhaps a good thing - the realising I wasn't coping part, not the depression part. Depression is never a good thing. But it finally hit me this week, I just can't do it all and I am not coping.

I just didn't want to admit to anyone, or even myself, that I just wasn't coping with my workload and parenting and everything else that comes along with living life. Something had to give before I had a full blown nervous breakdown.

Floods of tears were shed. Every ounce of energy and determination was used to even get out of bed. Cue an emergency appointment with my psychiatrist (have I mentioned how much I love her) and I am rebooting (her words).

We talked about all the things I could change in my life that would see me coping - I made a list, oh how I love a list. Currently the list is split into two; home and work. I see this being very organic and it will change as I work out what actually works and throw aside what doesn't.

I spoke at length about it to hubby, my family and my boss - all extremely understanding and supportive. I really am fortunate to be surrounded by such amazing people.

So, now is the time to reboot.

My list of ten 

Move - Rain and depression = very little steps this week. 

Meditate - Attempted unsuccessfully.
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Kind - How I love to read....finished The Husband's Secret by Liane Moriaty, it was excellent!

Connect - Had lunch to celebrate the upcoming nuptials of one of the ladies at work.

Food - I am still loving fig, bocconcini, proscuitto and green leaves with a little balsamic vinegar on top. I also snuck in a pork belly for lunch :)

Flow - My flow was totally clogged this week.

Blog - Tick.

Budget - Still plodding along...Dr's bills were not part of the budget though...eek.

Fun - I made Slime with my little lady and helped her create a YouTube channel to show people how to make slime. I admit, that was fun.

How are you coping?
Got any tips for me?

The week that was...SIX and SEVEN

How did I miss a whole week?

I whizzed through and barely touched the sides! I would love to ask the question - "Where has the time gone?" but I feel I already know the answer.

It has been sucked into the vortex that is my highly stressful, soul sucking job - at least that is what it is like at the moment. It hasn't always been like that and here is hoping (with all my might) that it doesn't stay like that! I mean it can't, can it?

I was lulled into a false sense of security a couple of weeks back....there was a rainbow overhead, which meant less stress on me. And... then the clouds rolled in again, shut out the light, the rainbow faded to nothing and here we are again.

At the moment it is consuming me. And yes, yes I know that is my own decision to let it consume me. I could just leave it all at the door when I leave - trust me I have tried. But my damn conscience and high work ethic just won't let me do it.

So the past two weeks have seen me utter depleted by work and feeling like the worst wife, mother, friend that there is in whole wide world....hence the dark clouds of depression have rolled in and sheer exhaustion ensued.

But I can't say it has been all doom and gloom....I did take a day off to go to our little misses first swimming lesson and while she didn't swim in ANY races, it was a delight to be sitting with her in the sun for a day.

The weekly neighbour dinners now involve another family in the street, which is awesome, so Monday nights are always great - and I only have to cook every third Monday now :)

My list of ten

My steps have been minimal - to say the least. And as for Michelle Bridges, well I haven't even seen her and I am two weeks in! OMG! Really need to get my tail in gear. 

Always loving my meditation and mindfulness. 

I am still seeing my Chiropractor on a weekly basis - a good thing too, because with all the stress has come an extremely sore and seized up neck.

How are you going?

Being kind to yourself?

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Minbalup, a happy place

There is so much anger and unhappiness everywhere. So much stress, pressure and worry about are we doing it all and constantly achieving more than we ever have before. It is driving people to exhaustion, or sometimes even worse.

It is consuming and pulling us down into a despair that is hard to shake off. Witnessing this in the people I love and admire makes my heart ache so hard. 

As my years have ticked over and my depression has attempted to drown me on more than one occasion, it has become extremely important for me to find my happy place and help those around me find their's too. 

Minbalup is the Aboriginal word for "a happy place" and it has become my passion to find it and share it. 

I'd love you to join in too. Let's try to find Minbalup in every day and share it to inspire others to find their Minbalup too. 

Head over to Instagram and share your images using #minbalup and tag me in it, @sammy_on_venus or hit me up on my Facebook page, https://www.facebook.com/alifeonvenus.

Are you keen to find your Minbalup?
What is your Minbalup?

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{Life} The one where I gained a few kg's

It seems that my decadent #MonthofSam and our three months of living out of home, which was full of unhealthy eating and no exercise have left behind some unwanted kilograms - DAMN IT!

I started last year with the mindset to be a fitter, healthier version of myself and got off to a cracking start. I was meditating regularly (which I still do), exercising, eating healthily, seeing a naturopath - I am sure you get the idea.

But come mid year, what with winter in full swing and my SAD kicking in and the renovation ramping up, the fitter, heatlhier Sam seemed to be wavering.

Roll on September and our move out the of house to make way for demolition and builders and we were all of sudden eating a lot of takeaway food.

Then came November and the #MonthOfSam with all the food and drink - oh the joy!

All of that, mixed in with work stress, renovation stress, kid stress which resulted in chocolate and biscuit quick fixes.....and fitter, healthier me was nowhere to be seen - she had gone.

Now it is December and the realisation of these extra kilos has really started to sink in. Queue depression, body issues and extreme low self esteem - the triple threat! It seriously messes with your head. Mirrors are the enemy, exaggerating (and then some) your flaws and flab. Clothes you used to love, don't love you back anymore. You feel everywhere you go there are judgey eyes and side way glances teamed with whispers.

But enough of that - it is time to also queue a reset of the mindset - back to the fitter, healthier Sam.

So, what does that mean...well it means healthy eating, no more takeaways or fast food (for anyone in the family) and it means exercising, I have signed up for a round of 12wbt to get me right back on track and am striving to hit 10,000 steps per day.

Deep breath (and lots of them).

Have unwanted kg's snuck up on you? 

Have you had a reset of the mindset?

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Why the winter blues?

My mood always plummets in winter. The cold weather seeps through my skin into my bones. I never seem to be able to get warm or happy.

The sun doesn't like winter either. It is tucked up in bed by 5.30pm leaving us in early darkness. And hates to come out in the morning in the low, low temperatures.

When the alarm sounds I peer out of the doona and dread envelopes me. I pull the warm doona over my head and wish I could stay nestled in it's warm safety. Alas, that isn't to be.

The frost that sits on the car in the morning reminds me daily of my depressive, cold mood.

A few weeks ago I had a therapy session, we talked about this and that. She came to the conclusion that I have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) or commonly known as the winter blues.

According to my doctor, some people experience a serious mood change when the seasons change. I am one of them. It is depressing to hear that winter actually makes you more depressed. Arh, the vicious circle of it all.

During this session I was also to learn that there is a light at the end of the cold dark tunnel for SAD, including light therapy - which can literally mean getting outside in the middle of the day and soaking up the rays, sitting near the window when you work and turning on all the lights in your house. There is also a gadget you can wear like glasses that shines a light around your eyes, my doctor gave me this link, www.re-timer.com.

For now I will try getting out in the middle of the day and see if it helps my mood lift.

Do you suffer from the winter blues?
What do you recommend to help?

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My hormones are throwing grenades

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I have spent years with my psychiatrist learning to think positively. Dealing with ways to feel good about myself. Working out ways to deal with my anxiety and depression.

It has been a long road. A twisty, bendy road. I have hit forks and hoped that I have chosen the right path. I have hit patches of ice and skidded, hoping that eventually I find the dry safe road again.

I have come a long way. I am stronger and more resilient than ever. Of course I still have my issues, maybe I always will. Maybe that are just part of the package that is me.

Recently though I have noticed that my body has started fighting itself from the inside. My head is saying my positive mantras and my hormones are throwing hand grenades into the mix, yelling, "What about us? We are here and it is about time we get noticed".

I was 15 when I started taking the contraceptive pill to combat the symptoms of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. It was a high dose hormone pill. I never had issues when I was on it - no PMS, barely any cramping. I really just took my pesky hormones for granted.

When Hubby and I started trying for our little tribe, six years ago, I went off the pill and since then I have either been doing fertility treatment, pregnant or breastfeeding.

So basically since I was 15 my hormones have been dictated by one drug or another.

Until now....our little tribe is complete, I am not pregnant and not breastfeeding.

For the first time since 15, my hormones are unmasked. It is like I am meeting them for the first time and they are mean and nasty.

I have been suffering from extreme Premenstrual Syndrome. I have never experienced anything like it. For a week out of every month I turn into an angry, cranky, intolerable, teary, despondent bear. I snap at everyone. There is no joy in anything and no sun shining.

I am shocked by my hormones and the effect they have on me. I am now on the journey to find some coping mechanisms, whether it be another type of contraceptive pill or something more natural, I will find it and hopefully my hormones will stop throwing hand grenades.

Do you suffer PMS? What are your coping strategies?

Linking up with Essentially Jess for #IBOT

Dear Negative Thoughts

Dear Negative Thoughts,

Recently I have read letters from people to their bodies. I thought that you, Negative Thoughts, deserved a letter way more than my body. I am happy with my body. I am not happy with you and it is about time I told you about it.

You came into my life with a bang when I was in my early twenties. You didn't come alone either; you brought your friends Anxiety and Depression with you.

When you arrived, I felt you wrap around my thoughts, heart and soul like a boa constrictor, suffocating me. You were always there; I couldn't get rid of you. You were a fog that never lifted. My head was constantly dusty, just the way you liked it. 

Together the three of you wouldn't let me leave the house; you wanted me all to yourselves. You bore down on me relentlessly. Telling me I wasn't worthy, I was useless and would be alone forever. Asking questions like, "How could anyone love you?"

When you started to make me physically ill I realised that you were no good for me and it was time for you to go.

I started seeing a psychiatrist. You hated her, she was trying her hardest to get rid of the three of you. I loved her. She was my guide to rid my heart, thoughts and soul of the three of you. We worked hard and have somewhat succeeded. 

Negative Thoughts, Depression and Anxiety, I am now in my mid thirties and there are still remnants of you hanging around. It is possible you will always be with me in some form trying to pull me back into the foggy abyss.

But you won't win. I will continue to fight you with all I have.

So don't get comfortable because one day you might just be gone for good.

P.S Don't think about moving on to anyone else either, especially my kids. I will teach them how to fight you too.